My last post was about Christmas cancelled, well at least the shared version of Christmas. We still had our feast and opened presents, sans many attendees due to our illness.
We ended up celebrating the Solstice in a very low key but perfect way. Some friends invited us over for dinner, mulled wine, and sledding. The temperature was moderate, and while the moon was shrouded slightly in clouds, it still brightened up the sky enough to make a fabulous sledding experience. We had a great time. Mulled wine is the perfect winter treat, by the way. Here's a recipe: www.wine.about.com/od/holidayswithwine/r/mulledwines.htm
I enjoy the holidays, but I also look forward to getting back into the routine. Looking ahead to January too makes me feel that we are even closer to spring.
A quick recap of Christmas celebrated (as opposed to cancelled) is that I went up north to my hometown. My aunt and I rode together. There is something especially wonderful about 4 hours each way in a car. We shared a lot, and it's always thought provoking and insightful to spend time with her. I imagine some of our conversation will be referenced in future posts as we covered so many topics.
The weather was beautiful. My cousin has an amazing log home, and the highlight of the home, to me, is the floor to ceiling stone fireplace. Can you ask for a more perfect setting for a Christmas celebration? Well, there is one more detail that made me pause and think, "wow, this is like a storybook" - her three year old blonde haired brown eyed little girl with braids and wearing a flannel dress, opening the gifts under the huge Charlie Brown see through Christmas tree. It was really sweet.
I didn't miss my kids any more than I normally do. I think it was the combination of growing up believing it was just another day, and the reality that it is just another day. They were having their own fun and building their own lives elsewhere. I think that the divorce process has taught me a lot about letting go.
Eventually, my kids will leave and be out on their own, pursuing their own dreams and making their own traditions. Since I have the tendency to be a "holder-onner", protective, sentimental, the whole bit, it's been a good lesson for me to think about the fact that my kids are their own people. Their world will not always revolve around me, nor would I want it to. The job of a parent is to raise their children to be free adults -take nature as a lesson. Baby animals are taught skills for their survival, and then they are set free (or pushed from the nest) to explore this great big world all on their own.
In conclusion, it's nice to be back home.
I went to yoga tonight and had such a fabulous work out that I felt like I had just had a massage. I really liked the poses and order of poses we did tonight.
Now it's to bed early to be able to be a functioning drone at work tomorrow. I'm so ready for a vacation, somewhere warm .... I'm visualizing fist fulls of warm sand, staring out at the ocean, smiling.
Good Night and Happy New Year! One more big holiday to go.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Winter's surprises
Well I guess it's not really a surprise to be sick in the winter time. We spend a lot more time indoors, the germs are a'breedin' because it's nice and toasty in our warm shelters.
So I ended up with the stomach flu yesterday and today. My kids did too. We've been sort of out of commission this weekend. But there's no other choice but to lay low and recover.
If you're of a weak stomach, I'll warn that I'm going to start writing about throwing up in the next paragraph.
I'm not going to go into huge detail. I just have to say how noticeably harder it is to throw up as I get older. I mean, it takes a lot out of me. For one thing, I fight it so hard. I have this hope that it will just go away and I won't have to go through the actual act of vomiting. Then when I finally let go, it is so violent. I end up with broken blood vessels on my face. I probably throw up once every couple of years, so it's a very traumatic experience for my body. Maybe I should throw up more often to take the drama out of it.
Anyway, the stomach virus or whatever you call it is not a fun way to spend a weekend.
I'm a little sad too because tonight I was supposed to host Christmas for my kids. Some of my family was going to come over, and some friends too. But we've made the most of it anyway. They each opened their gifts and I'm cooking the duck for us right now. It was my oldest son's request. I've never made one before, so we'll see how it goes. I'm doing mashed potatoes, the whole big feast bit for us because they'll be with their dad next weekend.
Also, changes are everywhere.
I just got off the phone with a friend who talked to me about a job. I'm so excited about the prospect of better work conditions. The stress of my current job is exhausting. It's interesting how you can sort of feel trapped.
A job is like a relationship or even a marriage. And if it's unhealthy, it's not the simplest process to get out. Sometimes people make it seem simple, "Just get out. Find something new." But there's a lot involved. The whole searching process, honing the resume, the interview process, and so forth -- it is a vulnerable experience, for one thing, and it's also time consuming. So, if you're really busy and stressed out in your current job, it can be a challenge to even start looking. I admit I have been a bit of a dreamer in my life, just thinking things will drop into my lap. It usually doesn't work that way. Things usually involve hard work. So step one is recognizing the importance of a change. Then going after your dream.... you first have to identify the dream.
In this case, it's simple. I want to leave that place. I need something better. I deserve something healthier. I deserve to take time off and not come back to a mess. I deserve to be able to leave early for my son's recognition assembly at school without being in tears because of the stress of leaving things unfinished. I truly can't do it any longer. And, I guess that's what it takes for me. I finally have to be pushed to a point where I can't go back, and I can't recover. It's also acceptance of the fact that things will not change, no matter how much I wish they will. I just find myself being worn out and directing energy toward a black hole.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to having a couple of days off. I hope to take my kids tubing at Wild Mountain or something either tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on how we all feel in this sort of weakened condition.
And.... drumroll.... Tuesday is the solstice. I can't wait! We are doing something special because it's a full moon and a lunar eclipse. It only happens every 500 years or something. I'll give more details later. We're going moonlight sledding with tummies full of warm drinks. There's always a light at the end of the stomach flu.
Peace!
So I ended up with the stomach flu yesterday and today. My kids did too. We've been sort of out of commission this weekend. But there's no other choice but to lay low and recover.
If you're of a weak stomach, I'll warn that I'm going to start writing about throwing up in the next paragraph.
I'm not going to go into huge detail. I just have to say how noticeably harder it is to throw up as I get older. I mean, it takes a lot out of me. For one thing, I fight it so hard. I have this hope that it will just go away and I won't have to go through the actual act of vomiting. Then when I finally let go, it is so violent. I end up with broken blood vessels on my face. I probably throw up once every couple of years, so it's a very traumatic experience for my body. Maybe I should throw up more often to take the drama out of it.
Anyway, the stomach virus or whatever you call it is not a fun way to spend a weekend.
I'm a little sad too because tonight I was supposed to host Christmas for my kids. Some of my family was going to come over, and some friends too. But we've made the most of it anyway. They each opened their gifts and I'm cooking the duck for us right now. It was my oldest son's request. I've never made one before, so we'll see how it goes. I'm doing mashed potatoes, the whole big feast bit for us because they'll be with their dad next weekend.
Also, changes are everywhere.
I just got off the phone with a friend who talked to me about a job. I'm so excited about the prospect of better work conditions. The stress of my current job is exhausting. It's interesting how you can sort of feel trapped.
A job is like a relationship or even a marriage. And if it's unhealthy, it's not the simplest process to get out. Sometimes people make it seem simple, "Just get out. Find something new." But there's a lot involved. The whole searching process, honing the resume, the interview process, and so forth -- it is a vulnerable experience, for one thing, and it's also time consuming. So, if you're really busy and stressed out in your current job, it can be a challenge to even start looking. I admit I have been a bit of a dreamer in my life, just thinking things will drop into my lap. It usually doesn't work that way. Things usually involve hard work. So step one is recognizing the importance of a change. Then going after your dream.... you first have to identify the dream.
In this case, it's simple. I want to leave that place. I need something better. I deserve something healthier. I deserve to take time off and not come back to a mess. I deserve to be able to leave early for my son's recognition assembly at school without being in tears because of the stress of leaving things unfinished. I truly can't do it any longer. And, I guess that's what it takes for me. I finally have to be pushed to a point where I can't go back, and I can't recover. It's also acceptance of the fact that things will not change, no matter how much I wish they will. I just find myself being worn out and directing energy toward a black hole.
In the meantime, I'm looking forward to having a couple of days off. I hope to take my kids tubing at Wild Mountain or something either tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on how we all feel in this sort of weakened condition.
And.... drumroll.... Tuesday is the solstice. I can't wait! We are doing something special because it's a full moon and a lunar eclipse. It only happens every 500 years or something. I'll give more details later. We're going moonlight sledding with tummies full of warm drinks. There's always a light at the end of the stomach flu.
Peace!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Well shut down the city
I can't believe the amount of snow we now have. I've lived in Minnesota my whole life - in Minneapolis for the past 13 years, and I don't recall such a spectacle of Mother Nature.
First of all, it was my birthday weekend. Second, it was the hugest snowstorm ever. It's more than a whole winter's worth already. It's going to be a mess in the spring.
The big bad snow falls make me get nostalgic. I love the way neighbors help each other. I've read similar experiences about hurricanes in the south.
I went out for happy hour Friday night after work. Some other friends and I were supposed to go to Lurcat at 10, but by the time I got home, I was way too tired and lazy. So I cancelled. I don't think anyone minded. Who wants to start the night at 10, especially when there's a storm a brewin'....
So, I went to bed at 10 instead and smiled the whole night through in my cozy down comforter. Ah, I think it's a sign of getting old when staying in is happier than going out.
When I woke up around 6:30, there was plenty of snow. I didn't worry about it, but was happy for an extra incentive to relax. Then when I looked out my window later, after drowsing for a couple of more hours, I couldn't believe the substantial change. My car was now covered.
I was lazy and self indulgent, so I just layed around some more, read, and watched an interesting National Geographic documentary called "Moment of Death" - it addressed an age old question of what death really is -when the heart stops beating? when there is no brain activity? ...thought provoking.... now we have ways to measure things that people didn't have in the past, and yet in a lot of ways, we are clueless still. Death is a fluid concept.
Some friends bought me a birthday present ticket for Doomtree Blowout at First Avenue for that night, but it looked doubtful that we would be able to go. I knew there was no way my car was coming out of the snowbank until it at least stopped snowing.
I watched another movie "Happy Accidents" with Marisa Tomei and Vince D'Onofrio -- about time travel, well sort of, you're not sure. It's worth checking out on a blizzardy day in Minnesota when you're comfortable with being holed up in your warm house.
About 6:30 my friend texted me and said "We're going -we'll pick you up. no pressure."
I was like, "oh hell yes" I'm in - an opportunity to see a show that would be next to empty? A chance to drive around in the snow drifts and run breathlessly in downtown, literally jumping over snowbanks like they were make shift hurdles? Sign me up!
The show turned out to be absolutely perfect. I've never been there when it was so empty. It's hard to judge, but I'm going to say there were less than 200 people there... We had an excellent view... and the energy of the show was fabulous.
Later we went to Bryant Lake Bowl for a delicious burger and nachos. A perfect end to a fun night.
I'm glad I had the chance to see that show. It's not something that would have been on my radar at all. I'm not a huge rap fan, although I do love POS, Atmosphere and Brother Ali. It was great. Dessa is amazing. What a cool lady. I'm always proud of women musicians - like Nona from Dark Dark Dark too - totally different genre of music, but powerful talented women.
I'm probably spelling a ton of things wrong tonight, especially the actors in "Happy Accidents" but oh well. I don't have time to be perfect tonight. I'm going to go to bed shortly so I can get up and do yoga. I'm not waiting for January 1st.
With the bounty of chocolate, cookies, catered lunches treated to us at work non-stop -- and on and on, I have packed on a good ten pounds in the last month. Well, I don't have a scale, but judging by the way my jeans are fitting these days, it's time to make a change- post haste!
By the way, I have to mention how great Dark Dark Dark was last week. Wow. A friend bought me their latest CD and a really amazing black and white poster for my birthday. When I am technologically more proficient, I will upload it. I can't say enough about how much I love Dark Dark Dark and Nona's amazing voice.
And I'll upload a photo of my car cocoon - it started out as a mohawk look , with a ton of snow peaking in the middle, then it morphed into a completely snow encased phenomenon.
I've got a lot of shopping to do tomorrow - so peace and love. Stay warm in your hearts too - it beats the cold.
First of all, it was my birthday weekend. Second, it was the hugest snowstorm ever. It's more than a whole winter's worth already. It's going to be a mess in the spring.
The big bad snow falls make me get nostalgic. I love the way neighbors help each other. I've read similar experiences about hurricanes in the south.
I went out for happy hour Friday night after work. Some other friends and I were supposed to go to Lurcat at 10, but by the time I got home, I was way too tired and lazy. So I cancelled. I don't think anyone minded. Who wants to start the night at 10, especially when there's a storm a brewin'....
So, I went to bed at 10 instead and smiled the whole night through in my cozy down comforter. Ah, I think it's a sign of getting old when staying in is happier than going out.
When I woke up around 6:30, there was plenty of snow. I didn't worry about it, but was happy for an extra incentive to relax. Then when I looked out my window later, after drowsing for a couple of more hours, I couldn't believe the substantial change. My car was now covered.
I was lazy and self indulgent, so I just layed around some more, read, and watched an interesting National Geographic documentary called "Moment of Death" - it addressed an age old question of what death really is -when the heart stops beating? when there is no brain activity? ...thought provoking.... now we have ways to measure things that people didn't have in the past, and yet in a lot of ways, we are clueless still. Death is a fluid concept.
Some friends bought me a birthday present ticket for Doomtree Blowout at First Avenue for that night, but it looked doubtful that we would be able to go. I knew there was no way my car was coming out of the snowbank until it at least stopped snowing.
I watched another movie "Happy Accidents" with Marisa Tomei and Vince D'Onofrio -- about time travel, well sort of, you're not sure. It's worth checking out on a blizzardy day in Minnesota when you're comfortable with being holed up in your warm house.
About 6:30 my friend texted me and said "We're going -we'll pick you up. no pressure."
I was like, "oh hell yes" I'm in - an opportunity to see a show that would be next to empty? A chance to drive around in the snow drifts and run breathlessly in downtown, literally jumping over snowbanks like they were make shift hurdles? Sign me up!
The show turned out to be absolutely perfect. I've never been there when it was so empty. It's hard to judge, but I'm going to say there were less than 200 people there... We had an excellent view... and the energy of the show was fabulous.
Later we went to Bryant Lake Bowl for a delicious burger and nachos. A perfect end to a fun night.
I'm glad I had the chance to see that show. It's not something that would have been on my radar at all. I'm not a huge rap fan, although I do love POS, Atmosphere and Brother Ali. It was great. Dessa is amazing. What a cool lady. I'm always proud of women musicians - like Nona from Dark Dark Dark too - totally different genre of music, but powerful talented women.
I'm probably spelling a ton of things wrong tonight, especially the actors in "Happy Accidents" but oh well. I don't have time to be perfect tonight. I'm going to go to bed shortly so I can get up and do yoga. I'm not waiting for January 1st.
With the bounty of chocolate, cookies, catered lunches treated to us at work non-stop -- and on and on, I have packed on a good ten pounds in the last month. Well, I don't have a scale, but judging by the way my jeans are fitting these days, it's time to make a change- post haste!
By the way, I have to mention how great Dark Dark Dark was last week. Wow. A friend bought me their latest CD and a really amazing black and white poster for my birthday. When I am technologically more proficient, I will upload it. I can't say enough about how much I love Dark Dark Dark and Nona's amazing voice.
And I'll upload a photo of my car cocoon - it started out as a mohawk look , with a ton of snow peaking in the middle, then it morphed into a completely snow encased phenomenon.
I've got a lot of shopping to do tomorrow - so peace and love. Stay warm in your hearts too - it beats the cold.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Always learning
What's on my mind today?
Related to work, I am a loud mouth. Sometimes I am sick of my own voice. I am sick of my opinions. Just be quiet. But I can't. I'm some kind of extrovert who has to be involved in everything.
We have a meeting tomorrow, the first one in a year. And everyone wants to voice their opinion and everyone is literally afraid to... or we all agree, we've been beat down for so long - and the reality is this is how the company is run. Who are we to change it? I think we're worth getting what we want. We work really hard and we have each other's backs. It's a great group to work with.
So, chances are, I will end up being a loud mouth.
Last week, my manager was helping me with something and I was really upset because a situation had spiraled out of my control and next thing I knew, there were people waiting in the office for me. I usually don't have direct contact with the borrowers. And yet, there they were. So I was having a tantrum and I finally yelled at her, "And by the way we need a new fucking printer back there!" The jam I had just been down on my hands and knees fixing was the proverbial straw. She simply looked at me and turned back to her computer. I knew I had probably crossed a line.
She told the story later laughing and teasing me. And I apologized of course.
I guess I am just really full of life right now or something.
This writing seems unharmonious...
unlike my yoga class last night.
I am going next Monday. The best part is the people who were there. It's for the purpose of yoga and spirituality, not competition. And the instructor was so great about that too- just do what you can do. It's about you and your body. Another neat part of that is I had no expectations at all. When I found the class online, I was really excited about where it was, the description, and that it seemed simple. And it's every Monday evening, which works with my schedule.
I was also excited by the sun salutations we did, fitting for my recently renewed love of the sun and the upcoming solstice.
The kids and I had a great evening tonight. I made dinner. My youngest and I played a game he made up with Harry Potter Lego. I helped my oldest with his homework.
I wanted to show them some of Kyria Abrahams videos on Youtube because I thought my oldest especially would get them.
We ended up diverting to a couple of videos about Madalyn Murray O'Hair and her fight for removing prayer from public schools. I guess I didn't really know much about her. It's an interesting story. One book that seems worth checking out is "America's Most Hated Woman- the life and gruesome death of Madalyn Murray O'Hair." by Ann Rowe Seaman. Of course, as I looked at the reviews, one reader said it was poorly written. We'll see.
I'd like my next book read to be "The Alchemist". I'll have to track that down.
Alright, I'm ending this now. The writing energy is not flowing through me tonight. This is possibly a post I'll delete. But then again, maybe it's good to see the times where it just doesn't flow or come together.
Tomorrow night is Dark, Dark, Dark at The Cedar. I can't wait for that! Check their music out: www.myspace.com/darkdarkdarkband Can anyone sing like Nona? No.
Related to work, I am a loud mouth. Sometimes I am sick of my own voice. I am sick of my opinions. Just be quiet. But I can't. I'm some kind of extrovert who has to be involved in everything.
We have a meeting tomorrow, the first one in a year. And everyone wants to voice their opinion and everyone is literally afraid to... or we all agree, we've been beat down for so long - and the reality is this is how the company is run. Who are we to change it? I think we're worth getting what we want. We work really hard and we have each other's backs. It's a great group to work with.
So, chances are, I will end up being a loud mouth.
Last week, my manager was helping me with something and I was really upset because a situation had spiraled out of my control and next thing I knew, there were people waiting in the office for me. I usually don't have direct contact with the borrowers. And yet, there they were. So I was having a tantrum and I finally yelled at her, "And by the way we need a new fucking printer back there!" The jam I had just been down on my hands and knees fixing was the proverbial straw. She simply looked at me and turned back to her computer. I knew I had probably crossed a line.
She told the story later laughing and teasing me. And I apologized of course.
I guess I am just really full of life right now or something.
This writing seems unharmonious...
unlike my yoga class last night.
I am going next Monday. The best part is the people who were there. It's for the purpose of yoga and spirituality, not competition. And the instructor was so great about that too- just do what you can do. It's about you and your body. Another neat part of that is I had no expectations at all. When I found the class online, I was really excited about where it was, the description, and that it seemed simple. And it's every Monday evening, which works with my schedule.
I was also excited by the sun salutations we did, fitting for my recently renewed love of the sun and the upcoming solstice.
The kids and I had a great evening tonight. I made dinner. My youngest and I played a game he made up with Harry Potter Lego. I helped my oldest with his homework.
I wanted to show them some of Kyria Abrahams videos on Youtube because I thought my oldest especially would get them.
We ended up diverting to a couple of videos about Madalyn Murray O'Hair and her fight for removing prayer from public schools. I guess I didn't really know much about her. It's an interesting story. One book that seems worth checking out is "America's Most Hated Woman- the life and gruesome death of Madalyn Murray O'Hair." by Ann Rowe Seaman. Of course, as I looked at the reviews, one reader said it was poorly written. We'll see.
I'd like my next book read to be "The Alchemist". I'll have to track that down.
Alright, I'm ending this now. The writing energy is not flowing through me tonight. This is possibly a post I'll delete. But then again, maybe it's good to see the times where it just doesn't flow or come together.
Tomorrow night is Dark, Dark, Dark at The Cedar. I can't wait for that! Check their music out: www.myspace.com/darkdarkdarkband Can anyone sing like Nona? No.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Being Brave
This is my second post today, but when it calls, it calls.
I ended up revisiting a book I read last year, "I'm Perfect, You're Doomed -Tales From a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing" by Kyria Abrahams.
Thank you to Kyria and to everyone who is brave enough to share stories of a confusing upbringing, for lack of a better description... and then the final realization as an adult (if you are lucky) that you were raised in a cult.
Her blog is interesting. http://www.kyriaabrahams.blogspot.com/ -- of course, I make no claim to be objective because if her childhood doesn't begin to make sense to you, you might not have the same reading experience I had. You might not laugh as I did and you probably won't cry as I did... because she is spot on in describing the idiosyncrasies of Jehovah's Witnesses families.
I've been thinking a lot about my background lately. I shy away from accepting I was robbed- after all, I tell myself, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Maybe I'm afraid to face it. Maybe I avoid the intense emotions of feeling cheated out of parents who can love me unconditionally. Well, wait - here's the mind fuck. They do love me, but they just need me to come back to the "flock" so they can really love me. It's like there's this really loud barking vicious dog that stands between my parents and me... one of my brothers too. It's personified as this cult that claims to be "the truth" - but wait, don't they all?
I don't know how to tame this beast. I don't know how to beat it, hurdle it, call it what you will. It's so subtle. It's like fighting the wind, just leaves you tired and spent. The neurosis runs so deep. It's like they've built train tracks for the same route, over and over, and how do you suggest that there might be other places to see on this planet? They can't even begin to comprehend it.
It reminds me a little of "The Truman Show" - your whole life you've been painted one reality. But it's not the way things really are. You're lucky you saw the crack or heard the record skip. I also often go back to "The Wizard of Oz" - the scary entity is a scared little man behind a curtain. And what's the point?
Ah, I could go on and on and this is perhaps best saved for a better time. But Kyria got me thinking about all of this injustice... and how people give up their thinking and feeling faculties because they're too damn scared to figure it out on their own. Somebody told them they were bad or a failure or incompetent, and they believed it.
But really, we're all figuring it out as we go. A good friend calls this whole life experience "workshopping" - dealing with relationships --- we're just workshopping, we're just making it up as we go... and that is beautiful because it's real.
By the way, I took a beautiful yoga class tonight taught by a beautiful man... and I felt something deeper than I've felt in a long time. This may be something and this may be nothing. But it's a start either way. He had Johnny Depp hair- I'm sorry if that might offend him, but I was dreaming the other night that I needed a man with Johnny Depp hair that he could tuck behind his ears, just the right length. He was really sweet, this Yoga instructor, and I warmed to his sincerity. I read recently that smiling at people is a way of sending your love to them. His smile touched my heart. God, I sound so corny. But, can I possibly describe how refreshing it was to be amongst real people, not the decked out in all the right gear people, but the mom with her two kids and the sort of awkward doctor who was on call? Beauty, pure beauty. And a fabulous work out to boot! I'm on top of the world.
The energy was good and it was what I needed. So, thank you to the universe for that.
Good Night ----
I ended up revisiting a book I read last year, "I'm Perfect, You're Doomed -Tales From a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing" by Kyria Abrahams.
Thank you to Kyria and to everyone who is brave enough to share stories of a confusing upbringing, for lack of a better description... and then the final realization as an adult (if you are lucky) that you were raised in a cult.
Her blog is interesting. http://www.kyriaabrahams.blogspot.com/ -- of course, I make no claim to be objective because if her childhood doesn't begin to make sense to you, you might not have the same reading experience I had. You might not laugh as I did and you probably won't cry as I did... because she is spot on in describing the idiosyncrasies of Jehovah's Witnesses families.
I've been thinking a lot about my background lately. I shy away from accepting I was robbed- after all, I tell myself, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Maybe I'm afraid to face it. Maybe I avoid the intense emotions of feeling cheated out of parents who can love me unconditionally. Well, wait - here's the mind fuck. They do love me, but they just need me to come back to the "flock" so they can really love me. It's like there's this really loud barking vicious dog that stands between my parents and me... one of my brothers too. It's personified as this cult that claims to be "the truth" - but wait, don't they all?
I don't know how to tame this beast. I don't know how to beat it, hurdle it, call it what you will. It's so subtle. It's like fighting the wind, just leaves you tired and spent. The neurosis runs so deep. It's like they've built train tracks for the same route, over and over, and how do you suggest that there might be other places to see on this planet? They can't even begin to comprehend it.
It reminds me a little of "The Truman Show" - your whole life you've been painted one reality. But it's not the way things really are. You're lucky you saw the crack or heard the record skip. I also often go back to "The Wizard of Oz" - the scary entity is a scared little man behind a curtain. And what's the point?
Ah, I could go on and on and this is perhaps best saved for a better time. But Kyria got me thinking about all of this injustice... and how people give up their thinking and feeling faculties because they're too damn scared to figure it out on their own. Somebody told them they were bad or a failure or incompetent, and they believed it.
But really, we're all figuring it out as we go. A good friend calls this whole life experience "workshopping" - dealing with relationships --- we're just workshopping, we're just making it up as we go... and that is beautiful because it's real.
By the way, I took a beautiful yoga class tonight taught by a beautiful man... and I felt something deeper than I've felt in a long time. This may be something and this may be nothing. But it's a start either way. He had Johnny Depp hair- I'm sorry if that might offend him, but I was dreaming the other night that I needed a man with Johnny Depp hair that he could tuck behind his ears, just the right length. He was really sweet, this Yoga instructor, and I warmed to his sincerity. I read recently that smiling at people is a way of sending your love to them. His smile touched my heart. God, I sound so corny. But, can I possibly describe how refreshing it was to be amongst real people, not the decked out in all the right gear people, but the mom with her two kids and the sort of awkward doctor who was on call? Beauty, pure beauty. And a fabulous work out to boot! I'm on top of the world.
The energy was good and it was what I needed. So, thank you to the universe for that.
Good Night ----
Can't read it enough
My aunt reminded me of this poem again today. It is so beautiful and perfect. I should print it out and carry it around in front of my face to remind me of the best way to live and treat people.
desiderata - by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
desiderata - by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The joy of reading
It surprises me, over and over again, how much I can enjoy reading a book. It's akin to the simplicity described by Ani DiFranco's lyrics singing of goldfish on her album "Little Plastic Castle". She sings, "goldfish have no memory, it seems their lives are much like mine and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time."
It's as simple as being surprised by how warm the sun feels on a winter day. My aunt and I were having that discussion a couple of days ago- how remarkable the sun is. And when these winter days are cold, short, and often grey, when the sun is out and the sky is blue, it feels like a different season. It feels like hope.
I was on a walk last Sunday around the lake and the sun was big and orange in the sky, making its quick descent as it does these days. It reminded me of a pregnant belly. It was so big and round, and pulsating with warm, orange life. I was reminded of how my pregnant belly generated heat and vitality, moving visibly under my clothing as the life inside it seemed to run from side to side. The sun was exceptionally beautiful that day and reminded me of a Roman goddess. The thought came to me that no wonder the sun was worshipped, and still is in a way. No wonder humans created these winter holidays to celebrate rebirth and warmth. We can be grateful for the evergreens that add life and color to the white landscape. And isn't it quite genius to have thought of bringing a fresh smelling evergreen inside your home, decorating it with sparkling lights and color, to maybe remind you of the sun, bright stars and hope of warmer days ahead. We can be grateful we can depend on the seasons. We know this will end and the warmer days will circle back around.
In the meantime, the snow is a fabulous entity of its own. My kids and I went sledding yesterday and loved being outside. It was fresh and perfect. My oldest taught his almost four year old cousin to eat snow. She had never eaten it and in fact, didn't know it could be eaten. Her mom and I marveled for a minute at this revelation- why would she think she could eat it, logically? She couldn't eat dirt or mud, but here was this new sensation of having something so cold melt into water in her mouth. It was a neat experience to be part of. Of course, once she started she didn't want to stop. We talked about how the texture of snow is so perfect- it can't be replicated by a snow cone machine, and in fact, the ice of a slushee is sometimes a little bit abrasive on your tongue. I'm really glad we were able to be outside and enjoy this facet of winter. The best coping plan for the chilly, dark days is to relinquish to making the most of it. Go sledding by moonlight. Have a backyard fire. Enjoy it as much as possible.
I finished reading "Zeitoun" by Dave Eggers this afternoon. It's a true story of a family who was victimized by Hurricane Katrina and the chain of events it caused.
I am a little bit overwhelmed by their story.
Here is my review I posted on goodreads: A reminder of how fragile our complicated way of life is - how humans react to adversity, how they behave when all rules shift and the normal day to day is lost. It reminded me of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" in it subtle testimony to the nature of people, good or bad, when there is no one watching. And how powerless we can be against the forces of emergency response, on an individual and political level. Thought provoking and sad. "
A review I read of "The Road" said it dealt with themes as old as the Bible. I like that description. There's this age old idea of being nice to people who are being nice to us, how easy it is to be kind when shown kindness, but the true challenge is responding in kindness when we're being treated unfairly and poorly.
The book of Buddhism has an interesting related parable:
"Once there was a rich widow who had a reputation for kindness, modesty and courtesy. She had a housemaid who was wise and diligent.
One day the maid thought: 'My mistress has a very good reputation; I wonder whether she is good by nature or is good because of her surroundings. I will try her and find out.'
The following morning the maid did not appear before her mistress until nearly noon, The mistress was vexed and scolded her impatiently. The maid replied: 'I am lazy for only a day or two, you ought not to become impatient.' Then the mistress became angry.
The next day the maid got up late again. This made the mistress very angry and she struck the maid with a stick. This incident became widely known and the rich widow lost her good reputation.
Most people are like this woman. While their surroundings are satisfactory, they are kind, modest and quiet, but it is questionable if they will behave likewise when the conditions change and become unsatisfactory. "
"Zeitoun" made me think of these complex themes of human behavior.
It also made me realize that I am personally very ill prepared for any type of emergency. I am planning to have some bottled water on hand and some canned goods. I actually feel sort of irresponsible in not even having a flashlight. I've been lulled to sleep in the security of this society, but it's unrealistic. There could be a disabling snow storm. What if I didn't have power for a few days? So, some bottled water, flashlights, and canned goods are on my list. I can walk the fine line between being prepared and paranoid.
Once again, I feel gratitude from what I can learn from the art around me, the people who share their stories so the rest of us may learn.
Peace and sunshine.
It's as simple as being surprised by how warm the sun feels on a winter day. My aunt and I were having that discussion a couple of days ago- how remarkable the sun is. And when these winter days are cold, short, and often grey, when the sun is out and the sky is blue, it feels like a different season. It feels like hope.
I was on a walk last Sunday around the lake and the sun was big and orange in the sky, making its quick descent as it does these days. It reminded me of a pregnant belly. It was so big and round, and pulsating with warm, orange life. I was reminded of how my pregnant belly generated heat and vitality, moving visibly under my clothing as the life inside it seemed to run from side to side. The sun was exceptionally beautiful that day and reminded me of a Roman goddess. The thought came to me that no wonder the sun was worshipped, and still is in a way. No wonder humans created these winter holidays to celebrate rebirth and warmth. We can be grateful for the evergreens that add life and color to the white landscape. And isn't it quite genius to have thought of bringing a fresh smelling evergreen inside your home, decorating it with sparkling lights and color, to maybe remind you of the sun, bright stars and hope of warmer days ahead. We can be grateful we can depend on the seasons. We know this will end and the warmer days will circle back around.
In the meantime, the snow is a fabulous entity of its own. My kids and I went sledding yesterday and loved being outside. It was fresh and perfect. My oldest taught his almost four year old cousin to eat snow. She had never eaten it and in fact, didn't know it could be eaten. Her mom and I marveled for a minute at this revelation- why would she think she could eat it, logically? She couldn't eat dirt or mud, but here was this new sensation of having something so cold melt into water in her mouth. It was a neat experience to be part of. Of course, once she started she didn't want to stop. We talked about how the texture of snow is so perfect- it can't be replicated by a snow cone machine, and in fact, the ice of a slushee is sometimes a little bit abrasive on your tongue. I'm really glad we were able to be outside and enjoy this facet of winter. The best coping plan for the chilly, dark days is to relinquish to making the most of it. Go sledding by moonlight. Have a backyard fire. Enjoy it as much as possible.
I finished reading "Zeitoun" by Dave Eggers this afternoon. It's a true story of a family who was victimized by Hurricane Katrina and the chain of events it caused.
I am a little bit overwhelmed by their story.
Here is my review I posted on goodreads: A reminder of how fragile our complicated way of life is - how humans react to adversity, how they behave when all rules shift and the normal day to day is lost. It reminded me of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" in it subtle testimony to the nature of people, good or bad, when there is no one watching. And how powerless we can be against the forces of emergency response, on an individual and political level. Thought provoking and sad. "
A review I read of "The Road" said it dealt with themes as old as the Bible. I like that description. There's this age old idea of being nice to people who are being nice to us, how easy it is to be kind when shown kindness, but the true challenge is responding in kindness when we're being treated unfairly and poorly.
The book of Buddhism has an interesting related parable:
"Once there was a rich widow who had a reputation for kindness, modesty and courtesy. She had a housemaid who was wise and diligent.
One day the maid thought: 'My mistress has a very good reputation; I wonder whether she is good by nature or is good because of her surroundings. I will try her and find out.'
The following morning the maid did not appear before her mistress until nearly noon, The mistress was vexed and scolded her impatiently. The maid replied: 'I am lazy for only a day or two, you ought not to become impatient.' Then the mistress became angry.
The next day the maid got up late again. This made the mistress very angry and she struck the maid with a stick. This incident became widely known and the rich widow lost her good reputation.
Most people are like this woman. While their surroundings are satisfactory, they are kind, modest and quiet, but it is questionable if they will behave likewise when the conditions change and become unsatisfactory. "
"Zeitoun" made me think of these complex themes of human behavior.
It also made me realize that I am personally very ill prepared for any type of emergency. I am planning to have some bottled water on hand and some canned goods. I actually feel sort of irresponsible in not even having a flashlight. I've been lulled to sleep in the security of this society, but it's unrealistic. There could be a disabling snow storm. What if I didn't have power for a few days? So, some bottled water, flashlights, and canned goods are on my list. I can walk the fine line between being prepared and paranoid.
Once again, I feel gratitude from what I can learn from the art around me, the people who share their stories so the rest of us may learn.
Peace and sunshine.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A month of opinion and a shout out to Rosa Parks
Hey! It's my birth month! Happy December.
I thought I might post about winter weather and weight gain, but I have a far more pressing topic.
The past couple of years have been a monumental change for me, and I am still working through the layers.
I decided last week to check out the Events and Adventures group online. Sometimes I wonder if I have already written about certain things, but I'm too lazy to go back thru previous posts, so bear with me while I lay the ground work.
One of the things that people in a divorce or break up situation find is that their lives are sort of displaced. You had your routines, you had your groups of friends you did things with as couples, and the girls' night out was maybe once a month. You also did most things as a couple. Now all of a sudden, you have more free time than before. You also find that people have their lives in place, for the most part.
In my case, we did a lot of backpacking, hiking, camping, traveling as a couple and I loved it. We even kayaked the Apostle Islands twice.
Today, I'm totally lucky to have a pretty strong base of friends who are able to do things. But I really wanted to do a lot more camping than I did this past summer. And I really want to go to Guatemala in 2011 (maybe February or March if it all works out) but I don't want to go alone. Will any of my friends be interested in going? I'm not sure.
I was reading City Pages, and I noticed an ad for http://www.eventsandadventures.com/ - it seemed like what I was / am looking for. I checked out the website, sent a request for someone to contact me. They did.
I called them back on Saturday. They require you have an annual income of $20,000, that you don't have a felony and that you're single. Sounds good to me.
I'm not interested in doing anything like match.com - I'm not after a "date" - I'd just like more options when it comes to travel and camping or backpacking on the Superior Hiking Trail, and Washington State - Mount Ranier, lots of options.
First, there was massive confusion about my appointment. I made an appointment for December 1st at 6 p.m. I received an email confirmation on Saturday or Monday verifying that date and time, in black and white. Is this a test? Then Monday evening, someone called me to confirm my appointment for the next day, which would have been Tuesday.
I called back on Tuesday telling them that I had an appointment for Wednesday. They were confused and said, no-it was scheduled for Tuesday. So, then the 6:00 for Wednesday was no longer available. I chose 5:00.
I'm being petty here but what really bugged me was the two voicemails I had saying they were sorry I wasn't able to make it to the Tuesday appointment, implying that I had cancelled when it was their error - Whatever, I know. Maybe this is a personality / psychology test. I don't know. I'm confused.
I was late for the appointment. Traffic was a nightmare. So, when I got to the building, near a closed down Fuddrucker's, I felt bad I was about twenty minutes late. In making my quick assessment of their "facilities". I also recognize that I am a huge marketing sucker and I judge a business by it's cover. The tiny little office with a shoddy furniture and a sad little coffee maker does not scream success and it doesn't scream comfort. It's about appearance when you're trying to sell a membership to someone, and you can get some amazing furniture at Target, Ikea, discount stores, garage sales, you name it- put a little heart into your image.
There were four people in the office - three women and a guy who looked to be about 55.
I apologized for being late. The receptionist started telling me about the paperwork I needed to fill out, the tall blonde lady chit chatted and was friendly, and the third woman went into an office with the man and shut the door.
I sat down to fill things out. The first form asked for basic info - age, income, divorced /single - all boxes to be checked.
Then they had a "strongly agree to strongly disagree" form with bizarre questions, trying to gauge my personality I suppose. Like Myers Briggs, only not as well rounded. Some questions were normal but here is an actual question : "People with herpes deserve it." The answer options were 1 to 5 with 5 being strongly disagree. Is this a joke?
The final form was about things you like, things you'd like to try - predetermined answers ranging from skydiving to the opera.
So, while I was filling out the paperwork, the person I was to meet with was behind closed doors with the man of the group. She was laughing and carrying on so loudly, it was uncomfortable for the other staff. I kept wondering who he was, why was I kept waiting, what was next in the process.
At one point, I wondered if it was actually some kind of psychology test or a "punked" type scenario, where they were waiting to see how I reacted.
The blonde woman, who seemed to be another interviewer, was really nervous about interrupting what was going on behind the closed door. By this point, I had long since filled out the meager paperwork and we were all waiting on my interviewer, who was having a hilarious time behind the mysteriously closed door. I had been waiting for about fifteen minutes. I wasn't bugged by that because I was the one who was late. I thought she was possibly meeting with a potential member, just like me.
But the other interviewer, a couple of times, acted like she was going to knock on the door, but then looked at me for direction on what to do. She questioned me, "Should I knock?" I was sitting there with no idea of how their process works, who's interviewing me - her or the laughing woman (I kid you not- LLLLOOOOOOUUUUDDDDD and shhhhrrrriilllll).
Finally, after she looked at me for direction again, I said "Who is he?" She said, "He's a neighbor from the building, an attorney." Oh, so they're just in there goofing around. It was all making sense to me. She said, "I don't want to interrupt, but you have been waiting for 15 minutes now."
At last, with a burst of courage, she knocked on the door and was invited in. She said, "I'm not sure if you needed this ?" THIS was apparently my paperwork. The interviewer said, "Yes", looked through the partially opened door at me and yelled, "Say your name" because I have an unusual spelling. I said it. She said, "Wow! Never seen it spelled that way before." Then the nervous interviewer walked out of the room, shut the door, and left the two of them in there with my sort of personal information.
About another five minutes passed and the attorney finally came out... leaving it nice and cozy in there for me.
So, the energy between this lady and I was really weird from the get go. Apparently that was when my appointment began. She asked me why I was late. It was awkward because there was an immense lack of information - they seemed to look at me like I knew what to do or what was going on. I didn't. Maybe the phone person didn't prep me enough.
She proceeded to tell me, in fast forward speed, the analysis of my personality - "You like parties but you like to know people there." "It takes you awhile to trust people." I'm not disputing any of what she said, really I don't care if it's accurate or not. She also told me I'm passive aggressive because I agree with someone but go do what I want to do anyway. Does she have me pegged? I don't know but there's something very abrasive about a stranger telling you you're passive aggressive.
She also had a lot of information about my experience as a single mom- that I'm afraid to do nice things for myself, that haven't been ready to start living yet. She used the word play a lot too. "Are you ready to play?"
I found myself becoming increasingly agitated and uncomfortable, but I was trying to see through her presentation (or lack thereof) to the crux of what this group is really about. She showed me a calendar of events.
Some of it is really appealing- there's weekly indoor volleyball on Wednesday nights. There's flag football on Sunday at Van Cleeve park (would it be wrong if I showed up and asked to play innocently on a "walk in the area")? There's trips to Italy, Hawaii, Whistler, and other great options.
The thing is, I can schedule and do these things myself. But what I will give them is that they've done the leg work (sort of) in filtering through people - no felonies, gainfully employed and single. They have maybe, and that's a big maybe, filtered through some of the creeps. I also give them the point that there is always a group ready and willing to do things you might want to do. Like rock climbing? Saturday there's a group of 14 going. You can see how many people have signed up for an event too.
I was really annoyed by her repeated question, "Aren't you ready for your life to begin?" I said, "I'm pretty happy with my life. I was hoping to find a group of people to go camping with and some travel. I don't really need the day to day activities, but I understand the point you're making about having activities available if wanted." Was I being defensive?
This really wasn't a successful interview, especially when she pulled out the laminated sheet about membership. I was really surprised. It is a twelve month membership for $1,995. She slapped it on the table and said, "How much do you want to put down today?" What? Huh? Put down? There was no explanation of monthly withdrawals or what. I still don't know when you would have to come up with the balance of what you put down.
Looking back on my initial conversation on the phone, I see they were rather elusive about membership. But, who wouldn't be? If they said up front, "It's a mere $2,000 per year...." would anyone interview?
When I said I wasn't ready to commit to anything and I'd like to think about it, she started drilling me with why not? what are you afraid of? Why don't you think you deserve this? That one killed me. So, as politely as I could, I said, "I don't like this high pressure sales pitch." She immediately replied, "I'm not pressuring you!" I said "I'll think about it." She said, "Well, when you decide you deserve to do something for yourself, you let me know." I stood up to leave and she started to make small talk about the weather that she thinks is warm because she's from Houston. If only I had a record of the conversation - I forgot to mention that she asked me when I sat down if I minded her accent, blinky blinky (her eyes).
If you ever want to really bug me, tell me what I'm thinking and feeling.
The whole experience leaves me agitated and frustrated. Granted, a big part of it is probably her presentation, and my irritation at being told who I am and what I am doing. Why not ask me some questions? Ask me what I'm looking for and why? Not assumptions and classifications.
I also think paying that much money doesn't make sense for me. I have a good social life and if I get more involved with taking classes and organizing things, I will have even more to do.
I'm taking a class at Mercury Mosaics as an example. If you receive the groupon email, you'll know that they recently had a half price coupon for a class. Check out their website at http://www.mercurymosaics.com/. They're located in NE. And sign up for groupon while you're at it. Some of the deals are fabulous.. or fabuless because they save you money.
Someday I'll refine my story of my experience at Events and Adventures.... and I'll sell it.... or I'll use it to help them with their marketing strategy or their training of their associates. Their marketing and sales approach are disasters... or she was a disaster. I would have to do more research to compare tactics and personalities.
Or, I'll start my own group specific to Minneapolis with all sorts of activities like pottery classes, child care, on and on. Is this my calling? Will I someday have Events and Adventures to thank for my business success?
I'm a critic, what can I say. But I'm not apologizing. She could have taken a whole different approach. Her sales pitch simply did not work for me.
Here's the wonderful lesson I take away from tonight - I'm doing pretty well and I can be more proactive in organizing things and finding people who are interested in what I am. It's simple. Joining Events and Adventures would sort of be like using a travel agent to book a vacation for you, rather than orbitz or sherman's travel. I just don't need it... and for $1995, I can go to Guatemala and then some!
On another note - a big moment to think about Rosa Parks. Google did a nice tribute.
www.latimesblogs.latimes.com/2010/12-google-doodles-go-mobile.html - not sure how long that link will be good for. But, she is an inspirational icon in standing up for what we know is right.
Thanks for reading - a toast to our own events and adventures. We're responsible for our happiness, after all.
I thought I might post about winter weather and weight gain, but I have a far more pressing topic.
The past couple of years have been a monumental change for me, and I am still working through the layers.
I decided last week to check out the Events and Adventures group online. Sometimes I wonder if I have already written about certain things, but I'm too lazy to go back thru previous posts, so bear with me while I lay the ground work.
One of the things that people in a divorce or break up situation find is that their lives are sort of displaced. You had your routines, you had your groups of friends you did things with as couples, and the girls' night out was maybe once a month. You also did most things as a couple. Now all of a sudden, you have more free time than before. You also find that people have their lives in place, for the most part.
In my case, we did a lot of backpacking, hiking, camping, traveling as a couple and I loved it. We even kayaked the Apostle Islands twice.
Today, I'm totally lucky to have a pretty strong base of friends who are able to do things. But I really wanted to do a lot more camping than I did this past summer. And I really want to go to Guatemala in 2011 (maybe February or March if it all works out) but I don't want to go alone. Will any of my friends be interested in going? I'm not sure.
I was reading City Pages, and I noticed an ad for http://www.eventsandadventures.com/ - it seemed like what I was / am looking for. I checked out the website, sent a request for someone to contact me. They did.
I called them back on Saturday. They require you have an annual income of $20,000, that you don't have a felony and that you're single. Sounds good to me.
I'm not interested in doing anything like match.com - I'm not after a "date" - I'd just like more options when it comes to travel and camping or backpacking on the Superior Hiking Trail, and Washington State - Mount Ranier, lots of options.
First, there was massive confusion about my appointment. I made an appointment for December 1st at 6 p.m. I received an email confirmation on Saturday or Monday verifying that date and time, in black and white. Is this a test? Then Monday evening, someone called me to confirm my appointment for the next day, which would have been Tuesday.
I called back on Tuesday telling them that I had an appointment for Wednesday. They were confused and said, no-it was scheduled for Tuesday. So, then the 6:00 for Wednesday was no longer available. I chose 5:00.
I'm being petty here but what really bugged me was the two voicemails I had saying they were sorry I wasn't able to make it to the Tuesday appointment, implying that I had cancelled when it was their error - Whatever, I know. Maybe this is a personality / psychology test. I don't know. I'm confused.
I was late for the appointment. Traffic was a nightmare. So, when I got to the building, near a closed down Fuddrucker's, I felt bad I was about twenty minutes late. In making my quick assessment of their "facilities". I also recognize that I am a huge marketing sucker and I judge a business by it's cover. The tiny little office with a shoddy furniture and a sad little coffee maker does not scream success and it doesn't scream comfort. It's about appearance when you're trying to sell a membership to someone, and you can get some amazing furniture at Target, Ikea, discount stores, garage sales, you name it- put a little heart into your image.
There were four people in the office - three women and a guy who looked to be about 55.
I apologized for being late. The receptionist started telling me about the paperwork I needed to fill out, the tall blonde lady chit chatted and was friendly, and the third woman went into an office with the man and shut the door.
I sat down to fill things out. The first form asked for basic info - age, income, divorced /single - all boxes to be checked.
Then they had a "strongly agree to strongly disagree" form with bizarre questions, trying to gauge my personality I suppose. Like Myers Briggs, only not as well rounded. Some questions were normal but here is an actual question : "People with herpes deserve it." The answer options were 1 to 5 with 5 being strongly disagree. Is this a joke?
The final form was about things you like, things you'd like to try - predetermined answers ranging from skydiving to the opera.
So, while I was filling out the paperwork, the person I was to meet with was behind closed doors with the man of the group. She was laughing and carrying on so loudly, it was uncomfortable for the other staff. I kept wondering who he was, why was I kept waiting, what was next in the process.
At one point, I wondered if it was actually some kind of psychology test or a "punked" type scenario, where they were waiting to see how I reacted.
The blonde woman, who seemed to be another interviewer, was really nervous about interrupting what was going on behind the closed door. By this point, I had long since filled out the meager paperwork and we were all waiting on my interviewer, who was having a hilarious time behind the mysteriously closed door. I had been waiting for about fifteen minutes. I wasn't bugged by that because I was the one who was late. I thought she was possibly meeting with a potential member, just like me.
But the other interviewer, a couple of times, acted like she was going to knock on the door, but then looked at me for direction on what to do. She questioned me, "Should I knock?" I was sitting there with no idea of how their process works, who's interviewing me - her or the laughing woman (I kid you not- LLLLOOOOOOUUUUDDDDD and shhhhrrrriilllll).
Finally, after she looked at me for direction again, I said "Who is he?" She said, "He's a neighbor from the building, an attorney." Oh, so they're just in there goofing around. It was all making sense to me. She said, "I don't want to interrupt, but you have been waiting for 15 minutes now."
At last, with a burst of courage, she knocked on the door and was invited in. She said, "I'm not sure if you needed this ?" THIS was apparently my paperwork. The interviewer said, "Yes", looked through the partially opened door at me and yelled, "Say your name" because I have an unusual spelling. I said it. She said, "Wow! Never seen it spelled that way before." Then the nervous interviewer walked out of the room, shut the door, and left the two of them in there with my sort of personal information.
About another five minutes passed and the attorney finally came out... leaving it nice and cozy in there for me.
So, the energy between this lady and I was really weird from the get go. Apparently that was when my appointment began. She asked me why I was late. It was awkward because there was an immense lack of information - they seemed to look at me like I knew what to do or what was going on. I didn't. Maybe the phone person didn't prep me enough.
She proceeded to tell me, in fast forward speed, the analysis of my personality - "You like parties but you like to know people there." "It takes you awhile to trust people." I'm not disputing any of what she said, really I don't care if it's accurate or not. She also told me I'm passive aggressive because I agree with someone but go do what I want to do anyway. Does she have me pegged? I don't know but there's something very abrasive about a stranger telling you you're passive aggressive.
She also had a lot of information about my experience as a single mom- that I'm afraid to do nice things for myself, that haven't been ready to start living yet. She used the word play a lot too. "Are you ready to play?"
I found myself becoming increasingly agitated and uncomfortable, but I was trying to see through her presentation (or lack thereof) to the crux of what this group is really about. She showed me a calendar of events.
Some of it is really appealing- there's weekly indoor volleyball on Wednesday nights. There's flag football on Sunday at Van Cleeve park (would it be wrong if I showed up and asked to play innocently on a "walk in the area")? There's trips to Italy, Hawaii, Whistler, and other great options.
The thing is, I can schedule and do these things myself. But what I will give them is that they've done the leg work (sort of) in filtering through people - no felonies, gainfully employed and single. They have maybe, and that's a big maybe, filtered through some of the creeps. I also give them the point that there is always a group ready and willing to do things you might want to do. Like rock climbing? Saturday there's a group of 14 going. You can see how many people have signed up for an event too.
I was really annoyed by her repeated question, "Aren't you ready for your life to begin?" I said, "I'm pretty happy with my life. I was hoping to find a group of people to go camping with and some travel. I don't really need the day to day activities, but I understand the point you're making about having activities available if wanted." Was I being defensive?
This really wasn't a successful interview, especially when she pulled out the laminated sheet about membership. I was really surprised. It is a twelve month membership for $1,995. She slapped it on the table and said, "How much do you want to put down today?" What? Huh? Put down? There was no explanation of monthly withdrawals or what. I still don't know when you would have to come up with the balance of what you put down.
Looking back on my initial conversation on the phone, I see they were rather elusive about membership. But, who wouldn't be? If they said up front, "It's a mere $2,000 per year...." would anyone interview?
When I said I wasn't ready to commit to anything and I'd like to think about it, she started drilling me with why not? what are you afraid of? Why don't you think you deserve this? That one killed me. So, as politely as I could, I said, "I don't like this high pressure sales pitch." She immediately replied, "I'm not pressuring you!" I said "I'll think about it." She said, "Well, when you decide you deserve to do something for yourself, you let me know." I stood up to leave and she started to make small talk about the weather that she thinks is warm because she's from Houston. If only I had a record of the conversation - I forgot to mention that she asked me when I sat down if I minded her accent, blinky blinky (her eyes).
If you ever want to really bug me, tell me what I'm thinking and feeling.
The whole experience leaves me agitated and frustrated. Granted, a big part of it is probably her presentation, and my irritation at being told who I am and what I am doing. Why not ask me some questions? Ask me what I'm looking for and why? Not assumptions and classifications.
I also think paying that much money doesn't make sense for me. I have a good social life and if I get more involved with taking classes and organizing things, I will have even more to do.
I'm taking a class at Mercury Mosaics as an example. If you receive the groupon email, you'll know that they recently had a half price coupon for a class. Check out their website at http://www.mercurymosaics.com/. They're located in NE. And sign up for groupon while you're at it. Some of the deals are fabulous.. or fabuless because they save you money.
Someday I'll refine my story of my experience at Events and Adventures.... and I'll sell it.... or I'll use it to help them with their marketing strategy or their training of their associates. Their marketing and sales approach are disasters... or she was a disaster. I would have to do more research to compare tactics and personalities.
Or, I'll start my own group specific to Minneapolis with all sorts of activities like pottery classes, child care, on and on. Is this my calling? Will I someday have Events and Adventures to thank for my business success?
I'm a critic, what can I say. But I'm not apologizing. She could have taken a whole different approach. Her sales pitch simply did not work for me.
Here's the wonderful lesson I take away from tonight - I'm doing pretty well and I can be more proactive in organizing things and finding people who are interested in what I am. It's simple. Joining Events and Adventures would sort of be like using a travel agent to book a vacation for you, rather than orbitz or sherman's travel. I just don't need it... and for $1995, I can go to Guatemala and then some!
On another note - a big moment to think about Rosa Parks. Google did a nice tribute.
www.latimesblogs.latimes.com/2010/12-google-doodles-go-mobile.html - not sure how long that link will be good for. But, she is an inspirational icon in standing up for what we know is right.
Thanks for reading - a toast to our own events and adventures. We're responsible for our happiness, after all.
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